Our While You Wait parent guide is a 19-page PDF for families who are waiting on children's mental health services (often called CAMHS), an assessment or any other support. It is about using the waiting time well, being heard when someone does answer and looking after your child and yourself in the meantime. It is a practical tool with helplines throughout, not therapy or medical advice, and it comes with four fillable sheets you can print.
This article is the gentler, shorter version: what the wait is like, why it is not your fault and where help can come from while you wait.
Waiting is hard for any parent. When your child is autistic, ADHD or both, it can feel harder. You may be waiting for more than one thing at once: support for your child's mental health and an assessment that might explain why life feels so difficult. Both can take a long time, and each can have its own list.
On top of that, many neurodivergent children are struggling not because something is wrong with them but because the world around them is a poor fit. That does not make the struggle any less real, and it does not make waiting any easier for a parent who watches it every day.
If you have been told your child does not meet the threshold, or a referral has been turned down, that is about how stretched services are and what they can offer. It is not a verdict on how much your child is struggling, and it is not a sign that you were wrong to ask.
A formal diagnosis can open doors, but many families wait a long time for one and many are never assessed. If you recognise your child as autistic or ADHD, what you see counts. Support in school and at home can start with what your child needs now, not with a label. The same is true for a young person who recognises themselves.
It can feel as though the only help is the help on the waiting list. In fact there are usually other places to turn:
You will find the numbers on our Where to get help page. For anything to do with your child's legal entitlements, SENDIASS and Contact give free, impartial advice, because we cannot and do not give legal advice.
Many parents find the most useful thing is simply having a clear, written picture of what they are seeing, so that every appointment, call and email starts from the same page instead of from scratch. Another is knowing what to ask and who to ask, so that a short appointment does not slip away. And another is having a plan for the hard moments at home, so you are not working it out while your child is overwhelmed.
None of these will remove the wait, but they can make the wait feel less like standing still.
When a child is struggling there is rarely one answer. The cause might be an exhausted nervous system, a classroom that is too loud, a need that is going unmet, a big change or a mixture. It can help to look at the same difficult stretch through several different lenses, and then choose one small thing to try. You do not have to fix everything, and you do not have to get it right.
That is what While You Wait is for. It walks you through understanding the wait, getting your thoughts down, asking for help at the GP and at school, looking at a difficult time from different angles, supporting your child at home, getting through a hard moment, keeping a record and chasing politely and preparing for the first appointment. It also has a page for looking after yourself, because you are part of this too.
If your child is younger, you may also like our mental wellbeing packs for children aged 5 to 10, and our article on supporting the mental wellbeing of ADHD and autistic children.
Please do not wait for a crisis to ask for help. It is worth speaking to your GP or your child's school SENCO if your child seems very low, anxious or withdrawn for a long time, if distress is affecting daily life or if you are worried about how they are coping, and it is worth saying so again if things get worse while you wait. You have not used up your chance.
If your child ever talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to be here, take it seriously and get help the same day. In an emergency call 999. You can call NHS 111 for urgent health advice. Children can call Childline for free on 0800 1111 or text SHOUT to 85258, and the YoungMinds Parents Helpline is available on 0808 802 5544. Samaritans are on 116 123 for anyone, including you.
If you are exhausted, you are not failing. Waiting for help while holding everything together is real work, and it is fine to ask for help for yourself too.
