Every child worries sometimes. For many autistic and ADHD children, worries can feel bigger, stickier and harder to put down, and they often show up at the worst times: the middle of the night, the school gate, the minute before leaving the house.
This article looks at why worries stick, why the usual response of reassurance can backfire, and what tends to help a worried child feel heard and more in control. It is general information, not therapy or medical advice, and it cannot tell you whether your child has an anxiety condition.
When a child is worried, the natural response is to say "it will be fine". Sometimes that helps. But if a worry keeps coming back and the answer is always "it will be fine", the child can learn that only an adult can make the worry go away. The worry stays in charge and the child keeps asking.
A gentler approach is to acknowledge the feeling without arguing with the content. "That sounds really hard. I can see it is on your mind" tells a child they are heard. It does not feed the worry and it does not dismiss it.
One of the most helpful things for a worried child is the discovery that worries come in different sizes, and that a big feeling is not always about a big problem. Learning to tell a small worry from a huge one gives a child a little distance, and with distance comes choice.
Another useful idea is that some worries are about things we can do something about, and some are about things we cannot change. Both are allowed. The skill is working out which is which, and what to do with each.
Children often cope better when worries have somewhere to go that is not their head. Many families find that a regular, short and predictable time for worries, kept separate from bedtime, helps a child stop carrying them all day. The idea is not to ban worries but to tell them that they will be heard later.
The details matter a lot, and what suits one child will not suit another. It helps to build it with your child so that it feels like theirs.
Avoidance is a very natural response to worry, and it often makes the worry grow. But pushing a child to face something they dread is rarely the answer either. Small, child-chosen steps, with the option to stop, tend to build confidence far more safely than big leaps. A step that feels almost too easy is a good step.
Helpful phrases include:
Things that tend to make it worse include "there's nothing to worry about", "you're being silly", comparing your child to someone who copes better, and promising things you cannot control.
Our My Worry Toolkit is a printable pack for children aged 5 to 10 that helps a child get their worries out of their head and onto paper, work out how big each one is and decide what to do about it. It includes cut-out cards, a place for worries to wait and a certificate at the end. It is untimed, strengths-first and has no right or wrong answers. It is a practical wellbeing tool for home and school, not therapy.
See it alongside the other wellbeing packs on the mental wellbeing packs page. For the bigger picture, read coping skills for neurodivergent kids and supporting the mental wellbeing of ADHD and autistic children.
Worries are very common. It is worth speaking to your GP or your child's school SENCO if your child's worries are taking over their days, if they are avoiding school or things they usually enjoy, if sleep or eating is badly affected or if you are worried about how they are coping. Your GP can talk to you about what support is available, including child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS) where appropriate.
If your child ever talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to be here, take it seriously and get help straight away. In an emergency call 999. Children can call Childline for free on 0800 1111, and the YoungMinds Parents Helpline is available on 0808 802 5544.
You can find more helplines and support organisations, including what to do while you wait for CAMHS, on our Where to get help page.
